My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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