Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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