If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
my liver is dry heaving
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
