I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
