I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
