If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
