Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
