This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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