she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
