I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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