You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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