I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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