I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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