Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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