oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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