you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
she peed on how many people?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
