I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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