Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
