Dude my mom stole all your condoms
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
