I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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