Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
