In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
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