I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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