he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
