It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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