VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
