and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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