i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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