I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I understand Curling. That high.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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