is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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