I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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