btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
