it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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