On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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