Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
