No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
