You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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