No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
