at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Drunk is not a location!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
