she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
