i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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