Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
