Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
