is your mom at the bar?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
