Three words: puerto rican gang bang
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
