we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
