I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
