oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
