woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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