if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
