tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
