Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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