i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
