it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
